When Partners See Life Differently

My husband doesn’t believe in anything that is not material. He doesn’t even ask himself about the meaning of life, nor does any existential questioning arise for him. Any conversations about spiritual topics end in mockery, even though he is otherwise a very caring, moral man — both as a husband and as a father. I myself am very spiritual, although I do not belong to any religion. The further it goes, the more we drift apart, and our relationship is becoming very difficult; openness is disappearing. Is there a way to interest him in spiritual exploration?

Tomas:
Both spiritual and material things, phenomena, and objects are intertwined and closely connected. However, in human life they manifest as if they were separate “layers of a cake.” In the human organism, they are expressed as the left and right sides of a system.

The true deep practical task of human spiritual (and material) life and growth is to balance, harmonize, unite, or “marry” these two sides.

All human problems arise when people deviate too much to one side — either becoming overly spiritual or overly materialistic. In the first case, this leads to resource exhaustion; in the second, to depression.

The correct goal is to maintain a delicate, subtle balance, like walking a tightrope high above the ground.

Wisdom texts say that the balance between materialism and spirituality is a very thin line.

This also means that a person who truly understands what spirituality is knows how to move smoothly between these two sides, how to explain the importance of both spiritual and material aspects, and their interconnection. In other words, the question is one of moderation and balance. Too much spirituality is harmful, and too much materialism is also harmful.

Men and women approach these topics very differently. Women usually approach from one side — which is often incomprehensible to men — and men from the opposite side — which is often incomprehensible to women. If or when both learn, grow, and progress in their respective areas, sooner or later they find a clear and strong connection and understanding. If they still do not understand each other, it means there is still room for growth. However, in nature and reality, these domains are inseparable; they only appear separate in our perception and experience.

Therefore, if you want to explain to him how things truly are — you must first fully learn these lessons yourself. Until you do, it is better not to “educate” your husband, but instead to apply the most basic principles of mutual respect and peaceful coexistence. It is precisely this kind of relationship that will lead your family to happiness and maturity in the fastest way.