Understanding the Order of Relationships in Family Life

You mentioned during the consultation that the main mistake I made as a wife, which led to the breakdown of the family, was the reversal of the relationship order. Could you explain this in more detail?

Tomas:
Such fundamental principles of family relationships should already be taught to high school seniors, so that people understand in advance how to maintain a harmonious and strong family.

In your situation (as in the case of many other women), it is important to follow a proper relationship hierarchy:

1. First – taking care of oneself
As a woman, you must first love and take care of yourself — both spiritually and physically. This means:

• Spiritual balance: regular practices, wisdom studies, prayer, meditation, creating lists of dreams, and emotional hygiene. For example, in Tibet there are daily practices for women aimed at cleansing negative thoughts and emotions.

• Physical health: balanced and nutritious diet (something many ignore), healthy body weight, proper pH balance, well-functioning gut, quality sleep, comfortable and healthy clothing, time in fresh air, and physical activity.

• A harmonious balance between the spiritual and material world.

Only when a woman is balanced and strong can she truly give to others.

2. Then – the relationship with the husband
Proper care for a husband is a key part of the relationship. This means:

• Knowing his dreams and helping him realize them within your possibilities.

• Supporting his self-esteem, uplifting him rather than diminishing him.

• Fulfilling three key roles without which no man will want to remain in a relationship (this requires a broader discussion).

• Communication. Without proper communication, there can be no love, no strong partnership, and no harmonious family.

Only when both the man and the woman are strong as individuals and as a couple can they move to the third step.

3. Only then – taking care of children
When both parents are emotionally, physically, and psychologically strong and function as a team, raising children becomes easier, more natural, and less draining.

When this order is disrupted, families inevitably begin to lack energy, money, health, patience, and time. Unfortunately, in many families women unconsciously prioritize children first, put themselves second, and leave the man on the sidelines — as if he were only a financial source. If the man does not function as an “ATM,” he is often simply pushed out of the family.

It is important to understand that this situation is not solely the fault of women. The greatest responsibility lies with men, fathers, and grandfathers who fail to pass on the correct principles of family hierarchy to their daughters and wives.

In summary, every person must first learn to take care of themselves. Therefore, a wife, mother, or woman must first invest in herself — both psychologically and physically.

Only then can she properly take care of her husband.

And only when a man and a woman function harmoniously as a team can they fully take care of their children.

A family is strong when clarity and wisdom prevail in relationships, not chaos.